Today, when I sit at my desk to write & thinking about the choices to be made in life I am taken back to my school years, especially those years when I felt “Yes! NOW I am a big girl.” First, when I entered the sixth standard, that was when I felt I was a grown up, because now I could use a pen & there would be no more pencils in my pencil-box. For me, officially starting to write with a pen was a sure sign of being wise as it was something all the elders did, be it my mother, father, brother or my teachers. All of them wrote with pens while I was busy writing spellings with a pencil & erasing the wrong ones.
Then came 10th standard & brought along the zombie called BOARD EXAMS. I so clearly remember my parents & teachers telling me, “Now you are in a very senior class, so study very carefully & responsibly.” Hence, one more time I felt that may be after all these years I wasn’t the little one anymore. Boards came & went, I moved into 11th standard & chose my stream & then cleared my 12th Boards..obviously feeling more important than the last few years. Finally, I passed out of school.
Now I was headed for college, out of the sheltered environment of school & taking my first few steps towards getting to know the many shades of life. Everyone in the family had suggestions, precautions & warnings to give. All this made me feel like I was going out there to tame a lion or something equally lethal. College started, I settled in, learning new things & as every semester passed I thought I was finally a wise someone who understood life & realised that the last attack of wisdom was actually a foolish feeling. Gradually college ended & I was a graduate. Being able to call myself a graduate & having studied as much as my childhood heroes- my parents gave me yet another wise high.
Then I decided to pursue my Masters. Starting with another & may be the final phase of my student life, once again I decided to go down the memory lane. Starting from being an infant to someone who was going to start with her post-graduation seemed like a long way. But today, when I am half way through with my PG & think about a final choice I realise that no matter how far you come in life, you can never be wise enough. No matter how far you have come in life, every time you have to make a choice you will most naturally feel like a nursery kid. A nursery kid who is stepping out of his/her home alone for the first time, leaving the parents behind & goes & sits in the new class all curious, cautious & quiet, eventually adapting.
Though the institutions of life end at some point of time or the other, life is an institution where you become a student the very day you are born & you only stop learning when you die. Meanwhile, there is no point in time where once you reach you can say “Oh wow!! I finally did grow up.” People often say never look back in life, but I say if you have to appreciate the lessons of life then do look back every once in a while. I say this because I feel that this is only how you can realise when you come to face the present again that the road does not end here..there are numerous kingdoms to be explored yet, lessons to be learnt feelings & people to be valued & tests to be taken.
P.S: At times confusions only make you see things more clearly. :)