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Wednesday, 28 May 2014

NO..YOU CAN HAVE NOTHING

This post stems out of my frustration from the fact that of late all my demands (as my parents see them) /requests (how I see them) have been met with a ‘NO’. I have been hearing so many no’s that my brain has found a direct relationship between how badly an offspring wants something and the aversion of his/her parents to that idea or thing.

Simply put:

“The more awfully you want to have or do something, higher the repugnance to it from your parents.”

It is like parents come fitted with some meter which can instantly gauge the love of one’s offspring for a certain something. Mind you the meter has not stopped working just yet! It then goes on to send some sort of waves (which I assume are intrinsically negative) to the brain, which is what results in parents panning their heads from left to right and not stopping unless the poor child gives in. If this panning is not taken seriously by a child and the demand is made repeatedly, the panning gets aggressive. Panning is often accompanied by a sound emitted by these waves on their way out of the parent’s mouth, which is commonly known to mankind as ‘NO’.

Even after this mind blowing analysis, I don’t want a Nobel Prize in Science, all I really want is to reverse the very mechanism of this meter that my parents seem to be fitted with.

Let me list down a few of  my requests that have been quashed in the recent past:
  • To get a dog
Father’s Reaction: It is impossible to get a dog in this house..you should be more practical with your demands.
*end of discussion*

Mother’s Reaction (Who was so far listening to it all): Yes, it’s not easy to care for a dog.

My Reaction: We can manage..at least give it a try and things will fall in place.

By the time I completed my brief argument people had vacated the room and went about their chores.
  • To get my ears pierced for a second time
Mother’s Reaction: After contorting  her face to an unimaginable and never-seen-before shape she told me “NAHIIIII!! (Hindi for NO) Kaam wali (maid) jaisi lagegi! The standard one set of piercing is just fine.”

My Reaction: After a few seconds of giving her a blank stare *went to my room and sulked*
  • NEED to buy new clothes
I am sure that this is one situation that every girl has dealt with.

Mother’s Reaction: Honestly, there are no words that can do justice to her reaction. I can almost see the fire in my mother's eyes every time she hears me even hint at something like this. I know in some deep-dark corner of her heart, she wants to set stuff from my wardrobe on fire and most importantly me, because this ‘need’ rears its ugly head in my head every once in a while.

However, there were days when her reaction to this need was not so fiery. I faintly recall her words from those days and they were something like “Tu apna ilaaj kra le..pagal hi ho gayi hai.” This was her way of telling me that I needed to see a psychologist asap as I had lost it..completely. Like all my other requests, this one too is highly inappropriate.

Need I tell you my reaction?

Well, I have learnt a few lessons over the years. So now whenever I have to say something about getting new clothes I approach my mother with not just caution but also with a fire extinguisher (that fire in her eyes will spill out any day now) and supreme agility.

I am glad my parents don't read my blog. If at all they were to read this post, I will be disowned and any requests to be taken back in will be met with a (You guessed it! I will skip saying it as I don't want this post to have excessive negativity).

*Retires to her room and starts working to reverse the functioning of the evil meter*